When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
