I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
