my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
