My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
