just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
