everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
