I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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