I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up under a house in Key West
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