She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
