i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
