Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
