Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
