btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
