Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
