my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will be naked everywhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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