He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
