Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
