i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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