I accidentally had phone sex last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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