So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
