We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
