where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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