Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
