you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
