I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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