i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
