I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
