is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
