We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
