so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I deserve this hangover.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
