he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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