As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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