I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
