Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
