if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
