Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
