my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So drunk its hurt
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
