Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
