You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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