Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
