you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
