just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
send nudes
from the living room?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
