You work out of a Hotel?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
