do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
