I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
