Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
