You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
