First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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