I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
