the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
