there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
